I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.
Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”
Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.
Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.
You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.
…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.
i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man
the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge
Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.
If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.
PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN
I AFDGFHGKJHKHGFDSF I AM DONE
Don’t forget that the chances of being caught are greatly reduced if you murder someone who has no connection to you at all. Most murderers end up killing someone they know in some fashion, so they’re easily caught. Serial killers kill at random, hence why they can kill a lot before they screw up.
I am not a serial killer, honest.
I am seriously concerned for all of you
please don’t judge me for tagging this for future reference, IT’S FOR PURELY FICTIONAL PURPOSES OK
I’M PRETTY SURE THE NEXT TIME I SEE THIS POST, ADVICE ON BURYING BODIES WILL ADD UP UNTIL IT SUFFICES TO BE COMPILED AS A HANDBOOK
How to kill a bitch: a guide by tumblr
One of the classes at my school is forensics and the final is to write an essay on how to commit the perfect murder.
This is Sam Pepper. If you don’t know who he is, Sam is a successful YouTube prankster with over 2 million subscribers. He recently uploaded a video titled “Fake Hand Ass Pink Prank" where he pinched unsuspecting girls’ butts without their permission. None of this was done with the girls’ consent…meaning Sam Pepper sexually harassed and assaulted these women.
This is no longer a “simple, harmless prank” but rather a very serious matter and offence. If you haven’t seen the video yet, you can watch, dislike, and report it HERE. You can also take the pledge to help stop sexual violence at itsonus.org. Please do not let Sam get away with this kind of behavior. He crossed the line and needs to be held responsible for his disgusting actions.
OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM SCREAMING AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN WHY THE HELL WASN’T THIS SHOT?? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW COOL THIS WOULD’VE BEEN?? OR HOW MUCH THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THESE THREE AVENGERS WOULD’VE EVOLVED, OR THE DEVELOPMENT THAT CLINT’S CHARACTER WOULD’VE HAD?? IMAGINE THE STRAIN IN THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN NAT AND CLINT WHEN NAT HAD GONE HELPING CAP WHILE CLINT HAD TO HUNT THEM BOTH DOWN
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????????
sourcing this shit so you can see it for yourselves[x]
But the orgy of Steve, Natasha, Clint, Sam, and Bucky.